Why?
by Sidhrin
Summary: This is a songfic about Gohan's feeling about himself and His Dad after the fight against Cell, R&R please


Hey Minna-san, this is my first Songfic, so please be nice to me OK! This is an One-Shot and it's written in Gohan's POV.  
Diclaimer: DragonballZ isn't mine, too bad, and The Crawling in My Skin is owned by Linkin Park so.. go on and read it  
  
Crawling in my Skin  
These wounds /they will not heal  
  
I'm sitting in my room and I think about you  
It was my fault that Dad had to die. Why did I lost Control, why. Why can't I just be a normal boy, would I be a normal child my dad wouldn't have to die, then he wouldn't fight. I'm now 13 years old and my lil bro runs inside the house. It's my fault that he'll never able to see his father again, and it's my fault my Mom will cry every night. But I can't do anything against it, and this makes me cry, I can feel my soul cry in every dream, every thought about my father.   
  
Fear is how I fall  
Consuming what is real  
  
I feel so guilty, but the urge to train is there, everytime I fly, I feel so free, but I can't fighting makes everything only worse. I hope my Dad is happy I hope he knows that I didn't want him to be dead.   
My lil brother looks exactly like him, He is so much like him, and yet not. He wants to fight, like him, but not with this urge like my Dad. My Mom likes him very much, but I think, he will wants to fight more than me. I don't want to lose control like that anymore. It's too dangerous.First I tried to ignore the urge to train, it as very hard and I didn't last long.  
  
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface   
Consuming/Confusing  
This lack of self control is never ending  
Controlling/I can't seem   
To find myself again/ My walls are closing in  
[Without a sense of confidence/ I'm convinced  
There's just too much pressure to take]  
  
I'm scared, there's nobody there to help me. What if I loose control again. I can't deny my Saiyajin part, but I also can't fight all the time, it would hurt my Mom and myself. I feel so lost. I wish my Dad would be here, he could give the support I need, why did you sacrifice yourself, I don't understand. You were the one I looked up to and still do, why aren't you here for me. I hope I will see you again.   
  
I've felt this way before   
So insecure   
  
Crawling in my skin   
These wounds / they will not heal   
Fear is how I fall   
Confusing what is real   
  
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me   
Distracting / reacting   
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection   
It's haunting how I can't seem   
  
Do you know me, Dad, do you know how I feel. Do you know my feelings. Do you the feelings of Mom? Do you even think about us? My silent tears fall every time I think about you, every time I look at my litlle brother. And I feel all the pain come back, if I look at the old pictures of you, and our family pictures. Do you know that I want to say how much I feel for you, can You hear me. My dark room is filled with my pain, I only learn to forget you, forget the pain. I don't want Mom to suffer, do you know ow much she suffers, do you know that her silent cries fill our house nearly every night. She says she doesn't suffer anymore, but in her looks she denies every word she says, every time she looks at Goten, she sees you. Her looks tell love, do you even now what love is?  
  
To find myself again   
My walls are closing in   
[Without a sense of confidence / I'm convinced   
there's just too much pressure to take]   
I've felt this way before   
So insecure...   
  
Crawling in my skin   
These wounds / they will not heal   
Fear is how I fall   
Confusing what is real   
  
Crawling in my skin   
These wounds / they will not heal   
Fear is how I fall   
Confusing, Confusing what is real   
  
I want to be with you, Dad, I want to talk to you, I want to understand myself. I wish I could talk to Vegeta, I wish he could tell me about myself. But there's no one, why do I feel so lost, I care about you, about my family. But they don't seem to understand me. I tried to talk to Bulma, but then I could feel Vegeta, and I had to go. Why can't you help me Dad? Why? Will you be there for me, will you? I can feel the pain again. I don't know why I do this to me... Do you?  
  
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface   
Consuming [Confusing what is real]   
This lack of self control I fear is never ending   
Controlling   
[Confusing what is real]   
  
I feel the pain rushing over me. And the Dark takes me in its warm embrace. It makes me feel nothing, makes me forget the pain. I wonder why I feel so, probably because I love you so much Dad.  
I love you Dad.  
**********  
That was my songfic, I kow not very long.. but How do ya like it? 


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